Can You Transform Your Emotional Mind to Work for You?
No two people are alike, not even twins who have shared the same sack for 36 weeks. You will find a significant difference in their DNA. So, it stands to reason that people cope differently with life's unexpected bumps and bruises, situations, and challenges.
Two people can experience the same trauma, but one will take a long time to overcome it, while the other shows resilience and bounce back.
Our education system teaches skills for surviving in the material world while giving little or no thought to teaching how to cope with one's emotional world, a significant function necessary for navigating the material world. Dr Guy Winch mentions these statements in his TED Talk – How to Practice Emotional First Aid.
He states that we live in a world of favouritism, favouring our physical well-being more than our emotional well-being. He leads his audience to think about how society has learned the benefits of practising physical hygiene over the past 100 years, which increased life span by 50%; however, emotional hygiene, a practical function to keep the brain healthy, is not taught.
Learning how to cope and manage emotional ill-health, such as failure, loneliness, rejection, depression and anxiety, to name but a few, makes being taught emotional well-being necessary. The recognition of these emotional conditions tends to be an afterthought, a topic for discussion only when you experience severe emotional distress.
How can you change negative emotions to regain emotional well-being?
This blog will briefly examine four features of a pattern that negatively impacts your life, allowing you to acknowledge what the mind goes through when you become emotionally unstable. It will also briefly describe and link the four pillars of a healthy mind, giving you an understanding and allowing you to consider a process to manage your emotional health.
The Four Features of a Pattern
Simon Harper identifies four features of a pattern you go through unconsciously and the importance of making these features conscious for emotional well-being. First, he describes a pattern as 'a projected version of events from the past, that feels true in the present.' Other interpretations of a pattern are 'being stuck in a behavioural loop' and 'getting caught in an automated psychological pattern.' The brain rolls out these patterns in a sequence.
The first pattern pinpointed is:
Trigger – This is the switch that turns on the brain automatically, running a succession of past events to relate them to a current situation. Triggers are a warning that something might be wrong and that you may be in danger. The brain sees the initial hurt as current, making it feel real.
Big Emotion – Big emotions are a combination of thoughts and feelings that are so severe that it feels like it has taken over your body and brain. The brain memorises each pattern as a collection of past events. Once a memory triggers the brain, it releases an emotion. It is a big emotion, as the memory will feel exaggerated and present. You may recognise this pattern at a celebratory event, but rather than feeling happy and joyful, you may feel sad and not understand why. Unconsciously, something has triggered an associated memory, and it feels like you cannot shake it off.
Repeating Stories - These are usually painful experiences of the past that are brought into conscious awareness. When these narratives are repeated frequently, they feel real and intensified as if they are happening. These repeating stories will have a powerful influence over you; if they continue to be repeated, you will become trapped in a cycle of psychological reenactment.
Automatic Behaviour – Mainly refers to acting out your emotions negatively. Still, it is also known to be a 'survival mechanism.' When you are triggered, revealing big emotions and repeating stories that appear genuine and larger than life, these events can trigger an automatic 'self-destructive' behaviour as it presents as a warning for the need to protect yourself.
The Four Pillars of Emotional Well-being
Dr Richard Davidson states that the four pillars of a healthy mind are awareness, connection, insight, and purpose. He expresses that when these four pillars are 'nurtured,' they result in a life of greater comfort, health, and happiness.
Awareness – This pillar he describes as mindfulness, which is being aware of your thoughts. The question is: are you focused, or have you a wandering mind? In other words, do you concentrate on other things while reading, listening to a lecture, or sometimes finding it difficult to engage or pay attention in general conversations? He emphasises the need to find ways to develop meta-awareness, that is, paying deliberate attention to conscious thought. Some known skills for meta-awareness are setting yourself goals, monitoring your performance, preparing well, keeping a diary [like journalling], asking yourself questions [exercising positive self-talk and recognising your words are powerful. Speak blessings over yourself and forgive, a considerable part of emotional healing]. Accept the benefits of feedback and be grateful for it. Dr Davidson asserts that meta-awareness is necessary for transformation.
Connection – Having healthy connections with people is essential to maintain emotional well-being. It lowers the rate of depression and anxiety. It allows you to practice gratitude by being thankful, writing down what you are grateful for, and developing the habit of showing appreciation, compassion and kindness. Good associations can support you in becoming courageous and have the inner strength to overcome fear and adversity and can help you recover from illnesses. It can also help you maintain a positive mindset, believe in yourself, show empathy, and accept critical feedback to enhance your chances of success. Being part of a supportive community can give you a better quality of life and create wholesome communities.
Insight - Having insight will help you maintain a healthy mind. You must get to know the emotions you are experiencing and learn how to manage them. This means being able to recognise and better understand negative emotions, re-frame and update the repeated stories that hold you emotionally captive, and gain insight into the emotions of others.
Purpose – Having a sense of purpose gives your life meaning and direction. It increases your happiness, develops motivation, and deepens your desire to contribute positively to society. You value what you are doing and quickly recognise what is meaningless. You acknowledge your passion and talents. It is self-discovery as you transform your mind to develop more meaningful habits that will empower you and others around you.
Linking the four features and four pillars to transform your emotional mind
We have looked at four features of a pattern that can keep you stuck in a cycle of negative emotions and on autopilot and four pillars of a healthy mind that can propel you to emotional well-being.
Awareness of the four features of a pattern that can negatively impact your life is the first step to empowering you to initiate transformation. That is, knowing what has triggered your big emotion and what associated memory emerged from the past that brought it to your conscious mind. This knowledge will help you decipher how to nurture the big emotion. It is then necessary to re-frame the repeating stories by updating them and finding positive narratives to halt the automatic behaviour that is usually self-destructive.
The pillars of a healthy mind [emotional well-being] are pivotal in reducing emotional distress. As noted in the previous paragraph, you must be aware of what negatively impacts your life—and recognise the need to have healthy social and family connections, which can strengthen how you feel about yourself—having insight into how you can emotionally re-frame the narratives from past repeated stories you carry around to cultivate a positive mindset. A positive attitude will help alleviate the automatic behaviour that was once an unconscious reaction to past hurts. Building a purposeful life and being benevolent will not only allow you to overcome negative, poor patterns of thinking and behaviour but also develop emotional stability and activate a Life of Purpose.
A powerful part of Dr Winches' concluding statement needs to be exploited. He states, "By taking action when you're lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won't just heal your psychological wounds; you will build emotional resilience, [and] you will thrive."
The first step to transforming your emotional mind to work for you is to be aware of the need ‘to free yourself from a life stuck on repeat.’ Then, take a gradual, step-by-step approach and be ready to work through a set of psychological algorithms. In addition, you must learn how to respond sensitively and cautiously to emotionally traumatic events. These steps are the beginnings to help you achieve emotional well-being.
Mindset transformation is not an overnight process but a continuous journey.
References
Davidson, R. Dr' The Four Pillars of a Healthy Mind' - Video ( 18 July 2021)
Harper, Simon,' Breaking Bad Patterns' (2024)
The InnerDrive Team - https://www.innerdrive.co.uk/blog/what-is-metacognition/
Winch Guy, Dr' How to Practice Emotional First Aid' [TED Talk] 28 March 2021
