Free the Child Struggling Within

Until recently, I had no idea why I felt uncomfortable and struggled with accepting roles in schools that required me to assist students with their learning. After self-reflection and careful examination of my mental state, I realized I had a deep-rooted reason for my fear. 

As a child and adolescent, I struggled with schoolwork because I had a speech impediment (stuttering). 

I felt afraid to speak to answer questions or ask questions if I couldn't understand the work because I always thought I would stutter the next word I said. I came from a sole-parent home, raised by my dad, who worked at night, leaving us with an older woman in the evenings who was there mainly to keep us (my older sibling and me) safe. 

I didn't understand how to relate my fear of speaking to anyone, so I kept silent throughout childhood and adolescence. My dad was my anchor, and I didn't want him to know how defective I really felt. I was an average achiever; all my school reports said, 'Yvonne lacks confidence.' That's what they saw rather than a frightened little girl afraid to speak because she felt ashamed that she couldn't express what she felt like everybody else. 

Working in an environment with the expectation that I would help students understand what I struggled with triggers me back into that mental frame. I developed imposter syndrome at the last school I attended, which was not good. It eroded my confidence and minimized any beneficial work in my supportive role with the children.

My passion and purpose for working with children is to help those struggling with their mental and emotional health and physical well-being, and I thrive on this work. Children struggle without knowing why. They need a voice, and I act as a sounding board for them to share their feelings and openly express their truth.  

Reaching an understanding of my limitations has freed the child struggling within me. The best service I found in gaining a supportive role within the education system is to help a child struggling to learn and understand themselves through careful management and effective restructuring of their behaviour and emotional difficulties and support the educational staff in understanding these behaviours so that they, too, can help all children become the best versions of themselves.

Awareness is the key for the Adult to be Free from the Child Struggling Within