Parents - Is Vulnerability Making You Doubt Yourself?
Parents, do you feel vulnerable? Are you feeling a sense of shame, fear, and discontent? Are you having thoughts that you are not good enough and unsure of yourself?
Do you feel like you are copying your parenting experience but confused because you know there must be a better way?
Well, there is a new way of looking at vulnerability. Brene Brown, an American Researcher, Storyteller with years of research on parenting, came up with this new analogy. She sees vulnerability as power, the power to admit your limitations to allow yourself to be seen.
Parents are generally on two sides of a coin ~ one side feels OK to be seen, so they share their fears. These parents connect with their children. And at a certain age, they feel safe to share their brokenness, courageously being open about their vulnerable past experiences. Considering this will help their children, in time, share any vulnerability they may have without fear of being criticized and chastised. These parents are also determined to raise their children constructively.
These parents also experienced conflict and discipline resolved by physical force, and they yearn for better ways to support their children's overall growth and development.
On the other side of the coin is the parent who says, I am not vulnerable and I know how to deal with my children. I will deal with them how my parents dealt with me. They conclude (speaking in their native tongue, Jamaican creole):
“If me did listen to me madda when she did a talk, me woulda never have dis crosses now! Me woulda deh much furda. Soh, me a go beat it inna yu fe listen, an mek sure yuh do weh me sa yu fe do!”
Underneath that statement, you can hear the regret, not feeling good enough, the 'why didn't I,' and the desperation for their children to gain the results they missed or didn't get a chance to achieve.
It's time to shake off the shame of vulnerability. It is time to look at fear straight in the face and say, “you don't own me anymore. I will not take the results of my past into my children's future”.
There is no shame regardless of your situation and circumstances.
Remember this historical event that ~ Jehovah God chose Solomon as King over Israel even though he was a child born from a woman to whom his father, King David, had an adulterous relationship. Solomon here was chosen for a purpose. He was the last serving King over the United Kingdom of Israel and served his citizens for 40-years in Peace. He was known to be the wisest ruler as King.
Your children are created for a purpose; let them know that. With your love, affection, and approval, they will develop confidence. There may be a prominent figure inside your children waiting to emerge, don't squash that possibility with how you conduct your parenting.
Feeling vulnerable is not shameful but a realisation that you may need support. Parents, seek to provide the best emotional and physical care for your children. But first, seek to look after yourself so you can be available to them.
Desire2Win™ Mind-set Transformation Programme is designed to stop the cycle of ignorance and discontent in families. Theme seven (Parts a & b), 'Creating a Wholesome Relationship with your Children,' will explore effective communication and provide knowledge of good parenting to help you build a successful family life.
References
Desire2Win (Mind-set) Transformation Programme Feb’18. TED TALK: Dr Brene Brown - The Power of Vulnerability Dec ‘10. The Holy Bible New King James Version (NKJV) (2 Samuel 11, 12) (1 King 1:2)
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