The Importance of Feminine Role Models in the Transformation of Children and Young People
Focusing on the Caribbean Island of Jamaica
More increasingly in this 21st Century, women are gaining the opportunity to lead, develop and transform our society.
Globally, I found sixteen female leaders currently in office, the oldest being in the United Kingdom; The Monarchy ruled by Queen Elizabeth II for over six decades.
During my research on this topic, I inquired about the organisations owned by women, published in the Jamaican Sunday Gleaner. And I discovered they are all still in existence. It appears they have a united stand and commitment for the wellbeing of women and their families.
My interpretation of a role model is someone admired and followed. A feminine role model is usually thought of as a woman in power with influence. And they are advocators for the rights of girls and women in society.
Six feminine role models I recognise known as influential women of colour within this Century are Maya Angelou, Tina Turner, Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama, Beyoncé Knowles, and Meghan Markle.
These women are some of the female images celebrated in the Caribbean. Although these women are effective in transforming our society, they are not accessible. So today, we have to look to the family and agents in the socialization process for role models to support our children and young people to become a Positive Influence for Tomorrow's Society. But are we only to consider women as feminine role models?
I have worked with vulnerable and disaffected children and young people for decades. This has allowed me to value and embrace the feminine qualities I share in my place of work. The personal attitudes I attempt to imitate; are gentleness, empathy, compassion, sensitivity, caring, tolerance and nurturance. And I have seen positive transformation not just in females but also in the male subjects I serve. Equally, I have seen my male colleagues sharing the same qualities I portray and gaining extraordinary results.
Youths unaware of what is necessary for personal and social growth and development are vulnerable. They find it difficult to form good relationships and share positive social connections.
There could be various reasons, but one cause that was frequently mentioned was having limited communication with their parents, causing a lack of self-awareness in their formative years and not having a nurturing family environment.
The youths I work with have absent fathers, traditionally the providers and protectors of the family. Unfortunately, they also experience absent mothers because these children suffer from a lack of love and affection.
It’s a struggle for single mothers as they attempt to take on the additional role of a father and some fail miserably. Why? Because they are unaware of what to expect from the role of a father, as they have not experienced a father figure. They take the cue from how they see male figures behaving in their community and become more vicious in their approach to discipline, especially when scolding their boys.
Julie Ma and her colleagues published an article in The International journal Child Abuse and Neglect, stating they found spanking [and] beating associated with later aggressive behaviours. Ma also links this approach to causing antisocial behaviours, anxiety, and depression in later life. Mothers may subconsciously project their shameful and angry emotional feelings onto their children. They blame them for their hardship by showing little or no affection and stating that the physical discipline is in their best interest to raise them mentally strong to cope in a hostile world.
Physical punishment will normally come with negative words and name-calling. These words become internalised negative self-talk that will eventually cause children to mistrust the people who are expected to safeguard, influence and protect them. You hear statements from parents and caregivers who display this authoritarian parenting say, “well, I used to get beaten, and it didn't harm me. In fact, it got me where I am today”. But emotionally they are broken wanting to be heard and healed.
Discipline should come from a place of love. But many parents have not experienced love to show love. How can children show love when they are not loved and made to feel they can love? Mothers and fathers who are alien to feminine qualities that have a vicious approach to discipline don't realise that they are unleashing monstrous behaviours onto our society. Their children who have limited communication skills and lack the ability to deal with conflict, transform the objects used on them into weapons of destruction that cause fatalities, such as the gun, the knife, and the cut-lass.
The word from the Holy Bible says at Colossians 3v21 (NIV) ‘Fathers [and mothers] do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. The destructive behaviours we see today are crushing. Frequently we hear news of vicious, violent, and domestic abuse by families against families; it results from an upbringing filled with ignorance, confusion, abuse, and a lack of love.
Education Establishments should also be seen as 'authoritative parents.' As they too are responsible for disciplining, teaching, giving counsel and supporting children's growth and development with a degree of emotional, sensitivity, care, and personal attention. Educators who adopt a nurturing feminine approach may find better results in student performance.
Shaming a student in front of their peers because of their inadequacy and limitations; is no different than a parent lashing out physically. The effect is worse as the student's self-confidence creates doubts about their ability to perform well and succeed. This situation can leave the student with anxieties. And they grow up feeling disillusioned without hope and enter adulthood, forming unhealthy and insecure relationships and social interactions, and this destructive cycle continues.
What can we do?
Many studies show children attach themselves to nurturing adults. The John Bowlby attachment theory states 'mothers who are available and responsive to their infants' need to establish a sense of security. He continues by saying this security creates a secure base for the child to feel safe and explore the world'. Although nurturing and child-rearing is expected primarily from the mother, children need both male and female role models to form healthy relationships and to impact change. Our male counterparts can display nurturing feminine qualities and maintain their masculinity.
Prince Harry is said to be a feminine role model. A statement made by his wife, Meghan Markle. His feminine qualities are not without reason. Social Media constantly shows the love and affection of his mother, Princess Diana, when he was a boy. In fact, this quality was shared by both parents. My feminine role model was my father, and he was a single parent. It was his nurturing qualities that helped me to form and recognise stable relationships.
Our goal must be to seek opportunities to transform our society positively. Our children and young people need to experience both male and female feminine role models. By this, our youths will be encouraged to develop naturally, confidently, and socially in our progressive society. One support mechanism could be to find programmes to help parents and their children cultivate a nurturing and positive relationship.
Desire2Win™ is a mind-set transformation programme designed to help vulnerable children and young people realise their capabilities and full potential. We offer parental support to help parents communicate more effectively with their children and provide better ways to discipline, where necessary.
There are six themes for young adults and one theme for parents, including strengthening families to strengthen communities.
Confucius, the Chinese Philosopher, and Politician said,' the strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.'
We have a choice to transform our society for a better tomorrow and the time to start is now!
References
Bowlby, John - The Attachment Theory (Revised 1969, 1772 and 1980). Confucius Quotes. Entertainment by Mirror August 2020. The Holy Bible New International Version (NIV). The Jamaican Sunday Gleaner (Business pages). The International Journal - Child Abuse and Neglect February 2018.
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